Early on
in his career, college football coaching legend Lou Holtz made a list of 107
things he wanted to accomplish in his life. Among them were to go white
water rafting, see the pyramids, meet the Pope, have dinner at the White
House with a sitting president and be on the Tonight Show with Johnny
Carson. It took Holtz and his wife over 25 years but together they’ve
accomplished 102 of those original goals.
My own
dream list includes attending a national political convention (okay I’m
weird), witnessing the opening ceremony at the Olympics, studying with a
master antique book restorer, learning to water paint, taking a year-long
sabbatical, and routinely taking the months of July and August off.
But
the big dream that had been on the front burner for well over three
years was finding a house with a view. I work at home. So where I live is
really important to me. I have this thing about wanting to live in the
country. Not in the woods though. I need space. Rolling hills, fields, maybe
some cows in the background (I love cows!). Think pastoral, bucolic,
peaceful, private.
As this
dream evolved, I learned and re-learned some important lessons about dream
making I'd like to pass along to you.
Lesson #1: Listen to Your Inner Voices
My
obsession with a view began when I began spending time on a small peaceful
lake in central New Hampshire. There’s nothing much to do there but sit out
on the deck and gaze on the reflection of the mountains reflected in the
lake and listen for the enchantingly eerie call of the loons.
Every
summer I'd cart up dozens of books. But I rarely picked them up because it
would mean taking my eyes off the view. I found it utterly mesmerizing. This
little voice inside kept whispering, “Pay attention Valerie, pay attention.”
Like most people I ignored these inner callings.
As the
voice grew louder, it became clear that while everyone enjoys a view, I
crave one. I knew then and there that I need the experience of having a
view not for just a few weeks a year -- but every single day. I didn’t know
then quite how I was going to pull it off but I knew I had to listen.
Lesson #2: Put Your Dreams Out There
Few people
reach their dreams alone. You never know who might help you get where you
want to be. It could be a casual acquaintance, your dentist, a neighbor, a
coworker… But one thing is for sure, if you keep your dreams to yourself,
you’ll never find out.
Throughout
the last presidential election, I shared my dream of one day attending a
national political convention with anyone who would listen. One such person
was a seminar attendee who happened to be very high up at NBC news.
Realizing an opportunity when I saw one, I pitched myself as an
over-qualified but very eager intern willing to do whatever needed to be
done… from making coffee, to making copies to doing van runs to the airport.
He handed me his business card and told me he’d see what he could do.
Despite my
champion’s best efforts, he wasn’t able to get me in. While witnessing the
democratic process in action didn’t pan out, deliberately putting my dream
out there got me closer than ever before. And, hey there’s always 2012!
Lesson #3: Be Selective About Who You Talk to About Your Dream
While
making your dreams known is the key to finding champions, teachers, and
other supporters, you also need to mindful of where NOT to look.
Take my
friend Carol. She’s a great person, but she’s a bit of a cynic. When I told
Carol that I wanted a house with a view, her response was, “Yeah, wouldn’t
we all?” A short time later I had the pleasure of strolling along side a
roaring brook. The experience reminded me of how healing the sound of moving
water can be. So I decided to add a bubbling brook to my dream house wish
list. When I told Carol about this latest addition she replied, “Well, you
can’t always get what you want.”
Carol is
right of course. You can’t always get what you want. But does the risk of
not reaching a goal mean you just throw up your hands in defeat? As opera
diva Beverly Sills once reminds us, “You may be disappointed if we fail, but
you are doomed if we don’t try.”
Lesson #4: Believe You Can
Henry Ford
once said, “If you think you can, or if you think you can’t, you’re right.”
As trite as this last lesson may sound, believing your dream is attainable
is fundamental to its success.
I need to
be inspired as much as the next person. One place both Barbara Winter and I
both go to when we need a boost of inspiration are the recording of the
Making Dreams
Happen workshop and retreat
-- and we were actually AT the event! I re-listened to one of
Barbara Sher’s presentations recently and something she said reminded me of
the powerful link between passion and belief.
Barbara
was telling the group how deep down inside we all know what we want. “When
someone says they don’t know what they want,” she says, “what they really
mean is they don’t think that what they want is possible.” In other words,
the reason most people never even attempt to go after their dream is because
they don’t think they can.
I knew
getting my dream house with a view wouldn’t be easy. First I’d have to do
all the painting, repairing, and landscaping required to get my current
house in shape to sell. Then I’d have to put the house on the market, which,
since I planned to sell it myself meant taking photos, placing ads for open
houses, and learning about all the legal hoops involved in selling real
estate. I’d also need to spend countless hours scouring real estate
listings, going to open houses and doing drive bys. I got so desperate at
one point that I wrote to homeowners to see if they’d like to sell.
By far
though I knew the most daunting task would be packing. You see I come from a
long line of pack rats which meant confronting the monumental task of
sorting through and packing 12 years of accumulated stuff, only to begin the
unpacking all over again on the other end.
Between my
travel schedule and my work commitments, I knew that achieving my dream
would not be easy… but I always new it was possible. As Louisa May Alcott
once wrote, “We all have our own life to pursue, our own kind of dream to be
weaving… And we all have the power to make wishes come true, as long as we
keep believing.”
Lesson #5: Take the Long View
Every so
often I get a call for a Profit from Your Passion career consultation from
someone who is having one of those “job from hell” days. The desire for
immediate relief is understandable. After all when your job is toxic job you
just want o-u-t, NOW!
Like these
clients, you probably don’t want to hear this, but deep down you already
know that making any real change takes time. At the same time you have to
start somewhere. And the fact of the matter is that the next two years or
five years or ten years are going to come and go as quickly as the last ones
did – whether you do anything about your dream or not.
So where
would you rather be when that time arrives – in the same place you are now
or where you want to be? Yes, change takes time but it’s the small steps
that will get you to that better future. Which leads us to our next lesson…
Lesson #6: Start Where You Are
The key to
achieving any goal is to simply start. Start somewhere… anywhere. If you’re
so up to your ears in debt, then start by making a plan to become debt free.
If your life is so busy that you haven’t taken the time to even know what
your dreams are, take some time this very week to find a quiet space and
tune into your inner callings. If you need information about becoming an
equine massage therapist, or bringing your product idea to market, or
getting paid for your home design finesse – then get busy by finding and
then learning from those who have already done it. The bottom line here – do
what you can, but do something!
Lesson #7: Live in the Now
In an
interview with Charlie Rose, Helen Hunt talked about how she got the career
she always wanted. Although she wasn’t offering it as a tip, Hunt’s own
experience of being grateful for what she had is informative. You see, for
Hunt the four Emmys, the five Golden Globes, the Oscar and all of the rest
were but icing on an already rich cake. Reflecting on her years as part of
the Mad About You television show’s creative team, Hunt told Rose, “If none
of these other things had happened and I'd had only that, I would have been
a very, very lucky actress.”
It would
have been easy to focus on what I didn’t like about the house I already had
– it was a busy street, the houses were too close together, one of my
neighbors drove me up the wall. And yet, despite aggressively pursing my
dream house, I never lost sight of what I already had.
On the
most basic level, I had more than millions of people around the world – a
roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, heat, safety. It was also a warm,
inviting, and aesthetically pleasing home. If I’d lived in that home for the
rest of my life, I would have still been very lucky indeed.
The lesson
here is to not focus so much on what lies ahead that you fail to appreciate
past and present blessings. Taking stock of how rich your life is right now
will make any future success all the sweeter.
A Room With a View
It took
three years, but here I sit in my fabulous new home in the country. Perched
on a hill, the house offers views on all four sides… cows in the east
pasture, grand sunsets over the hills to the west, woods full of cardinals
and the occasional deer out the back. And I was happy to report to Carol, a
bubbling brook right outside my front door!
“Well
that’s nice for her,” you may be thinking, “but I don’t have that kind of
money.” I understand what it’s like to be strapped. When I left my high
paying corporate job my income dipped nearly in half. There have been times
I’ve wondered how I’d pay the bills. Over time I’ve managed to build my
income up to more than my previous salary. Still, I didn’t buy a “starter
mansion” and I’m not a wealthy person.
Money, or
the lack of money, is not necessarily a prerequisite to realizing a dream.
True, if I hadn’t had the good fortune to have had a starter home to sell I
could not have afforded the house I got. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t
have found another way to get my view.
For
example, I could have found a lower priced fixer upper. Or, I could have
rented. Even better, I probably could have lived rent free as a property
caretaker.
My new
dream? Hiking to the bottom of the Grand Canyon!
So what
are your dreams? Which one is speaking to you loudest right now? Where can
you find support for your dream? Who can you safely share your dream with...
who can support your dream of loving what you do? What are you grateful for
right now?
Margaret
Bourke White wrote, "Action stops fear." Whether you dream of running tours
in Italy or being a motivational speaker or working with horses or restoring
old buildings, one truth remains. There may be many steps, but there is only
one next action. What small
step can you take not tomorrow, not next week, but literally this very day
to take action in the service of your dream?
P.S. Would
you like to experience what it's like to live and work in a setting that
makes your soul sing? Join me and a very small (6-8) people here at my home
in the hills of western Massachusetts. Right now, half the spots for the
Profiting from Your Passions Workshop and Retreat are taken.
Click here to learn more
about this unique, highly personalized event.
live
life on purpose
